Still
by BluEyes
Summary: Just another mushy CnM fic, please read and review!!!


Still

Hey people!!! I'm sick again today, bleh. I hate being sick, I'm the kind of person who can't just sit and do nothing…I just watched _City of Angels_ and that made me depressed, so then I watched _The Whole 9 Yards_…and now I'm bored…so if anyone wants to run down the street from my house and get me a smoothie from the coffee shop down there and then go next door and rent me _Fools Rush In_, feel free. Okay, so here's another songfic (all together now…awww…). CnM (how many people were so expecting that?) So...this is to the song "Still" by Brian McKnight. It doesn't quite go with the meaning of the song, but…well, that's too bad, we'll just have to pretend. Kay? Kay. So this is going another way with TOW the Proposal, I know that's an overdone idea…but…live with it. Characters still aren't mine, but I'm working on it (beat) seriously.

Chandler ran up the stairs to their apartment, more sure of what he was about to so than of anything he'd ever done in his life. He grabbed his keys from his pocket, trying to get them into the lock, but his hands were shaking so bad he couldn't.

Joey heard Chandler come up and panicked, they were hoping he'd take longer. Monica had run down the street to buy a bunch of candles and was supposed to get back before Chandler did, Joey walked into the hallway, deciding to go along with the plan he'd worked out with Monica. "Dude…"

"I can't talk now, I gotta find Monica…"

"She's gone."

"What?" Chandler turned around to face him.

"She's gone. She had a bag and she left."

"What are you talking about?"

"She was all cryin, she said you guys wanted different things, and she needed time to think."

"Well why didn't you stop her? Why didn't you just tell her it was a plan?"

"I did, I told her everything, Chandler, but she wouldn't believe me."

"Well, where, where did she go?"

"To her parents, I think, and she said that you shouldn't call her."

"I can't believe I ruined this."

"I am so sorry, man."

Chandler turned and opened the door, "Yeah, well…"

"You okay?" Joey asked, not sure if he should tell him the truth.

"Yeah, I just…I need to be alone for awhile."

"Okay. Well, if you need anything…" Joey trailed off and Chandler nodded, understanding. "Okay," he smiled at Chandler before walking back into his apartment.

Chandler turned the opposite direction and walked into his and Monica's apartment. As soon as the door closed, he let go and started to cry, realizing that Monica was actually gone. She'd left. She didn't want to be with him, he'd been crazy for thinking she would actually ever want to marry him. Of course she didn't pick him over Richard. He was nothing compared to him. Or maybe he wasn't crazy for thinking she'd pick him over Richard…he was just too in love to see it any different.

Chandler just sighed and walked to their room. The room they'd shared for the past year, and practically a year before that. Looking around, he knew he couldn't stay without Monica. So he pulled out a bag and started stuffing his clothes in it. He'd known all along that it was too good to be true.

He only wished that it hadn't gone so fast.

~*~

Monica ran up to their apartment, bags of candles in her hand. She grinned, this was the night she'd waited her entire life for, her dreams were about to come true. She opened the door, too excited to realize that it was unlocked even though she had locked it before she left.

Setting the bags down on the table, she saw an envelope on the table with her name on it. She opened it, recognizing Chandler's handwriting.

Monica,

I'm sorry for any pain or confusion that I've caused for you. I guess that this was too good to be true from the beginning, something this good doesn't happen to me. I do love you, though, I want you to know that, never question for a second that I love you. I also want you to be happy, and if that means letting go, then I can. But I can't stay here and let go, it'd hurt too much. So I made it easier for both of us. I left. The ring in the box on the table is for you. Even if I don't get to put it on your left hand, I still want you to have it. I'm sorry that I can't be everything that you wanted. Thank you for the best two years of my life, I only wish we'd had longer. Best wishes always, I hope you're happy (no sarcasm, Mon, I mean that sincerely).

Yours Still,

Chandler

__

Monica couldn't believe it, he'd thought she didn't want him. Monica just closed her eyes, this couldn't be happening. She looked down at the table, she hadn't noticed the ring box before. She lifted it off of the table and slowly opened it, the ring inside taking her breath away.

Maybe this was some cruel joke. Maybe he was going to walk in at any moment. Monica shook her head and picked the letter up, reading it again.

As she came to the realization of what was happening, her arms dropped to her side and the paper and ring slid out of her fingers, the ring hitting the floor with a 'ting' that filled the silent room.

He was really gone.

~*~

Chandler sat at the airport, waiting for his flight to be called. He'd called his mom, and since she was going to be home for the next few months, he'd decided to go stay with her for awhile. He just couldn't stay in New York, it hurt too much. There were too many memories, everywhere he looked there was something that reminded him of her. How many million people in New York and all he could see was her.

He couldn't stand to think of Monica, or that fact that she'd chosen Richard over him. They'd been so close, he'd been so sure that they'd be together forever. He'd put everything he had into their relationship, and despite how scared he was, he'd given her his whole heart. He'd taken that risk, and she'd broken it.

Chandler snapped back to reality at the sound of his flight being called to board. 

Chandler stood up and grabbed the one bag he'd brought with him. As he walked toward the terminal, he half expected Monica to come running after him, telling him that she loved him and not to leave. It was more like he half-hoped than half-expected that to happen, though. He'd really thought they had something special, that their moments of happiness together were more than enough to get them through everything and stay together.

"Sir?" the flight attendant was the one to bring him back to reality this time. "Sir, we need you to fasten your seatbelt," she smiled at him.

Chandler did so, then leaned back, closing his eyes. This was it. The end. So he just closed his eyes, not about to cry in public. 'God, Mon.' he thought, 'I still love you.' He opened his eyes, watching the plane take off, leaving his life and heart behind. 

'I still love you.'

__

Funny when you stop and think

Time goes faster than you blink

Nothing's ever like it was

Girl, we've got a special thing

And all the happiness it brings 

Is more than enough

And I know it's hard to believe

You're still the biggest part of me

You're all I'm living for

I still think about you

I still dream about you

I still want you,

And need you by my side

I'm still mad about you

All I ever wanted was you

You're still the one

Still the one

Chandler lay in bed, he still couldn't get used to sleeping in abed alone. He was used to hearing someone breath, having someone cuddled up next to him, not having a whole bed to himself. He almost laughed at that thought, he didn't want to sleep alone. Of course, he didn't want just anyone with him, he wanted Monica. He needed Monica.

He hadn't really done anything in the past few weeks, he'd taken the time off work. He was barely able to breathe with out her, let alone actually do anything. And even the breathing hurt. Or maybe the hurt was his broken heart.

She was all he thought about, all he dreamed about, and even though she didn't love him, she was still his reason for living. The part of her he kept inside was what kept him going. And all he did was think about her. How much he missed her, how much he loved her…how much he needed her. She had been his world, his everything.

And he still needed her.

~*~

Monica flipped through channels, trying to find something to watch on TV. It was Saturday night and she was home alone, something she was starting to get used to. It had been three weeks. Three weeks, and she still had no idea where Chandler was. Everyone missed him and was worried about him, but no one knew what she was going through.

Since he'd left, she could hardly call what she'd been doing living. She basically just went through the actions. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, and then it started all over again. They all said it would get easier, that every day would be a little better than the last, but she found that hard to believe. She knew better.

With everyday that went by, it just got harder. Because with everyday that went by, it was just one more day without Chandler. One more day to wake up without him, one more day to get through without him to kiss her troubles away, one more night to sleep without him to hold her.

She just sighed, turning off the TV and standing up when she heard on a knock on the door, wondering why everyone couldn't just leave her alone. Leave her alone so she could dream about him…

__

It's hard to breathe when we're apart

You're like sunshine in my heart

I keep you here inside

You've been everything to me

You've been and always will be

The apple of my eye

I know it's hard to believe

You're still the biggest part of me

You're all I'm living for

I still think about you

I still dream about you

I still want you,

And need you by my side

I'm still mad about you

All I ever wanted was you

You're still the one

Still the one

Monica opened the door, her breath catching in her throat. It was Chandler. He looked just as miserable as she felt. It was raining outside, so he was soaked, and he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.

"Hey," he finally said, "Can I come in…"

Monica just nodded, stepping aside to let him in. Chandler looked around, it looked exactly the same. She hadn't even moved his barca lounger, he was sure that she would have. 

"So…?" Monica let the word hang in the air as a question. All she wanted to do was throw her arms around him and kiss him, but given the circumstances she wasn't sure how he'd take that.

Chandler finally took a deep breath. "I love you, Monica," he said, voice shaky, "and I don't know what else to say and I'm sorry for just coming back after three weeks just to blurt that out, and I'm sorry if you went back to Richard and I'm too late…but I gotta say it. Mon, I'm still in love with you. And I still want you, Monica. Well, actually, it's more like I need you, 'cause, Mon, I do. I can't live without you…I still love you, Mon," the last words barely came out as a whisper. "If you don't love me and if you don't think we can make this work, then I'll walk away now, but I just need to know…" he looked into her eyes, silently pleading her to say she loved him…

__

If you love me, look into my eyes and say you do

I've waited all my life for someone just like you

And baby, after all we've been through

Girl, I'm still in love with you

And I want you to know, I do

I do

Monica just stared into his clear blue eyes, getting lost in them, just like she had so many times before. Here they were. And he just stood there, heart on his sleeve, all cards on the table. And he'd given her his heart, take it or break it, it was hers.

She wanted to shout that she loved him too, that she hadn't gone back to Richard. Tell him that everything they'd been through was worth it as long as they were still together. "I still love you, too, Chandler," she finally was able to speak, on the verge of tears.

Chandler grinned, taking a step toward her. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but he needed some answers before she had his heart again. "Then, why?"

"Why what?"

"Why'd you choose Richard over me?"

"Oh, Chandler," she took another step toward him. "I didn't. If only you'd come home ten minutes later…" she trailed off, leaving Chandler confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I told Joey to say what he did to you…I went to buy candles…it was going to be perfect, Chandler," tears slid slowly down her cheeks, "I was gonna have the whole apartment lit up and then I was going to tell you that I knew you were gonna propose, and…god, I'm sorry, Chandler…"

"Oh, Mon, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left," Chandler took another step forward, bringing them so that another step and they'd be right next to each other. 

Monica took the final step, and Chandler reached down to wipe the tears off her cheek. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's okay, babe," he pulled her into his arms.

Chandler just held her, not ever wanting to move. He noticed a necklace she had on that was under her shirt, and curious, he gently pulled on the chain after they pulled apart. When he saw what was on it, he just grinned.

It was her engagement ring.

Monica met his eyes and smiled back, "I couldn't ever go back to Richard, or anyone else for that matter," she whispered, "because I'm still in love with you."

Chandler reached around her neck and unclasped the necklace, sliding the ring off of it. He set the chain on the table, the slowly got down on one knee.

"Mon," he started, trying to hold back his own tears, "I don't think I really knew how much I loved you till I had to live without you…and I'm sorry, Monica, I should've stayed," he paused, "but Mon, I didn't leave 'cause I don't love you, I do. And there hasn't been a day in the past two years that you haven't been all I've thought about, and there hasn't been a night my dreams haven't centered around you…Babe, you've made me so…well, happy's a complete understatement," he chuckled slightly, "and I'm so madly in love with you. I want to spend forever with you…Monica, will you marry me?"

"Yes," she grinned, pulling him up so she could kiss him. Chandler slid the ring on her finger before kissing her again.

"I love you so much," he whispered into her hair, holding her.

"I love you, too."

Chandler kissed her again, this time more passionately and hungrily, having missed her for the past month. "God, I didn't know it was possible to still be in love with someone after you've known them so long…."

"I know, me neither," Monica laughed, "Or not in real life, at least…" she paused again, "God, I love you."

"I love you too, Mon," Chandler said, "And I swear I'll never leave again," he added. "I'll be here forever, and on our 50th anniversary, when we're all old and gray and wrinkly and you're sick of me," Monica laughed, "I'll just look you in the eye and say how much I'm still in love with you, and that…"

__

I still think about you

I still dream about you

I still want you,

And need you by my side

I'm still mad about you

All I ever wanted was you

You're still the one

Still the one

And that's the end!!! Awwww…all mushy and stuff. I don't own the song, Brian McKnight does, and I don't own the lines I used from the show (even though I changed 'em a little)…and I think that's it! Please review, thanks!!


End file.
